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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24040021">FaceTime Your Lonely Serpent</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_deepest_blue/pseuds/in_deepest_blue'>in_deepest_blue</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Episode: Good Omens: Lockdown, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Post-Episode: Good Omens: Lockdown, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Tooth-Rotting Fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:55:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,242</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24040021</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_deepest_blue/pseuds/in_deepest_blue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"So what have you been up to? Anything exciting?” Aziraphale asked.</p>
<p>“There’s this aquarium in Tokyo where the eels are starting to forget what humans look like. Saw it on the news; they said the eels were lonely, so staff were asking people to FaceTime the eels. Which I did, which also got me thinking... there’s this lonely serpent who hasn’t seen his angel in almost two months. And maybe, like those eels, he’s starting to forget what his angel looks like..."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale &amp; Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Good Omens Lockdown fics</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>FaceTime Your Lonely Serpent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A day had passed since Crowley’s last call with Aziraphale. The demon’s self-imposed deadline to find something to keep him sufficiently entertained was almost up, and his quest was proving futile. But although Crowley was loath to admit it, he was an optimist at heart, never one to give up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another day passed. After racking his brain for things to do, Crowley thought he’d make a last-ditch effort — where was the harm in trying?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The demon called the bookshop. After a few rings, Aziraphale picked up, sounding rather flustered. </span>
  <span>“Crowley! I certainly wasn’t expecting you to call.” Was it just Crowley’s imagination, or did Aziraphale sound relieved and overjoyed? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you were going to nap until July… starting tonight, right?” the angel asked cautiously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, well,” Crowley shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “Thought I’d hear your voice first before deciding whether to nap out the lockdown for real.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! Thank you for calling, then, dear boy. So what have you been up to? Anything exciting?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eh, nothing much. I did try FaceTiming some eels, though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“FaceTime. It’s an app… er, modern technology, for making video calls.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...That still doesn’t explain what you were doing calling eels. Is this some kind of joke?” A perplexed Aziraphale huffed. “Is this what the young ones are up to these days?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Crowley laughed. “There’s this aquarium in Tokyo where the eels are starting to forget what humans look like. Saw it on the news; they said the eels were lonely. They’ve been hiding from their keepers, making health checks practically impossible. And that’s what gave the aquarium the idea to have people call in. You gaze at the eels, they gaze right back atcha. <a id="return1" name="return1"></a>As they say, modern problems require modern solutions.”<sup>[<a href="#note1">1</a>]</sup></span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm. Tokyo… it’s been a while since we were there, hasn’t it? Most peculiar, but clever indeed of that aquarium! And how’d the call go?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Swimmingly, pun intended. Not much to expect, to begin with. Uh, there was some relaxing music in the background, though. ‘Suppose there’s something oddly meditative ‘bout seeing those buggers sway like branches in the wind. But angel, I’m telling you this because it got me thinking.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Penny for your thoughts?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span><a id="return2" name="return2"></a>“See, there’s this lonely serpent who hasn’t seen his angel in almost two months. And maybe, like those eels, he’s starting to forget what his angel looks like. So if the angel could just pick up his iPhone and FaceTime his serpent, the foul fiend would have a wonderful memory to last him this lockdown…”<sup>[<a href="#note2">2</a>]</sup></span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You wily old serpent!” the fussy angel replied. “You know I can barely use that iPhone!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You <em>can</em>. I’ve set everything up for you, even Siri the virtual assistant! All you have to do is say ‘Hey Siri, FaceTime Crowley’, and voila!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A brief silence passed, then Aziraphale heaved a sigh. “If that’s all I need to do… fine, my dear. But you’ll have to give me some time to get acquainted with the FaceTime, so I’ll video-call you in half an hour.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No one calls it ‘the FaceTime,’ angel. Well, that settles it, then. Catch ya in a bit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two actually ended up staying a while longer on the call, as Crowley patiently walked Aziraphale through the basics of FaceTiming. Fortunately, Aziraphale was no Newt Pulsifer; slow as the angel was to pick up on modern technology, electronic devices didn’t hate him, at least.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once Aziraphale had gotten comfortable enough to make his very first video call, they ended the phone call to start FaceTiming. Immediately, the angel was greeted by a familiar black snake with a red underbelly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Crowley! I can see you!” There was no mistaking the joy radiating from the angel. “What an adorable, handsome serpent you make! If only I could stroke those sleek scales of yours right now…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <a id="return3" name="return3"></a>
  <span>If snakes could roll their eyes and blush, Crowley would’ve done so. “You did say you wanted to see my serpent form more often, angel.”<sup>[<a href="#note3">3</a>]</sup></span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That I did. Now, what was it you did when you FaceTimed the eels again?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just watched them go about for, what, five minutes of their day? There really wasn’t much to see, just eels poking their heads out of their hiding places and swaying about.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want me to watch you go about your day like that, too?” the angel asked teasingly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Someone’s sake, Aziraphale, I’m not a specimen in a tank!” the snake spluttered. “‘Sides,” he began to mumble, “i’dmuchratherwatchyoueatcake.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What was that, dear boy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ugh, don’t make me say it again, angel; I have a reputation to maintain…” The serpent groaned in mock frustration. “The offer still stands; I could watch you eat cake, if you’d let me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose I could show you my refurbished kitchen, and you could watch me at work. Then we’ll dig into the cake. I’ll set a slice aside for you, so it’ll be like we’re dining together!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span><em>We could actually be dining together, you know</em>, Crowley wanted to exclaim, but he held his tongue. Instead, he replied, “Sounds like a plan, angel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aziraphale hummed in delight. “I’d best get to work, then. Oh, and Crowley?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, angel?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is there any way for us to FaceTime the ducks at St. James’ Park?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Unfortunately not; we’ll just have to hope they still recognize us when all this is over. But it looks like you’re stuck FaceTiming this serpent. You’ve been warned; he can be very clingy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I’m all too happy to help. It’s my duty to make sure that he doesn’t go too long without seeing my face. I can’t have him forgetting how I look like… just as I don’t want to forget how dashing he looks.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well. So much for napping until July.</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
</p><hr/>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p><a id="note1" name="note1"></a><sup>1</sup> Crowley couldn’t believe himself, either. Funny how current events could drastically re-order one’s priorities. Just a few months ago, Crowley was spending most of his time with his angel, or making future plans with his angel. Now, calling in to watch some eels was considered the highlight of his day — well, just that one day, but still. <sup>[<a href="#return1">return to text</a>]</sup></p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p><a id="note2" name="note2"></a><sup>2</sup> After the Apocalypse-that-wasn’t, Crowley had gifted Aziraphale an iPhone, with everything set up for the technologically challenged angel. Crowley hadn’t expected his angel to use the iPhone at all, but to the angel’s credit, he’d send the occasional text (with proper spelling and punctuation, as well as impeccable grammar, of course).</p>
<p>But Aziraphale was still old-fashioned through and through, so he preferred calling with his rotary phone or, at times, mailing handwritten letters to his demon. Besides, as they began spending more time around each other — before the pandemic struck, that is — Aziraphale saw even less of a need to text Crowley, and so the iPhone largely went unused. <sup>[<a href="#return2">return to text</a>]</sup></p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p><a id="note3" name="note3"></a><sup>3</sup> Before the Apocalypse-that-wasn't, Crowley avoided transforming into a snake if he could help it, as he persistently worried about not being able to change back. And, if he were being honest with himself, he was also a wee bit insecure about his snake form and how Aziraphale perceived it. To his relief, Aziraphale was quite fond of it.</p>
<p>“I miss seeing you as a snake,” the angel once mused, out of the blue.</p>
<p>“My snake form isn’t too slithery or, er, crawly for you?”</p>
<p>“Dear heart, there’s no form or look of yours that I wouldn’t like. You’re still my Crowley, no matter which form you take.” <sup>[<a href="#return3">return to text</a>]</sup></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yes, that thing about FaceTiming eels is for real — here's <a href="https://www.sciencealert.com/tokyo-aquarium-needs-your-help-reminding-their-eels-to-not-fear-humans">an article</a> about it! Some articles described the eels as lonely, but it's actually more like they needed to be socialized to not be wary of humans, so that their keepers could check on them. I tried FaceTiming them (which is what inspired this fic), but it was extremely difficult to get through. (I wonder if anyone managed to!) The aquarium also livestreamed their eels over a four-day period, for those who couldn't call in.</p>
<p>Also, chin up, Crowley — I'd like to think your angel was actually waiting for you to invite yourself over!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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